Thursday, July 17, 2014

Strava Brutally Mocks My Middle-aged Ass

Strava is a phone app that one turns on to measure speed and distance on a bicycle. Users define segments on a road so that when they or others ride the portion of road they can compare times from one day to the next -- the idea is that such segments will not have an overabundance of regulatory signs.

The above medals refer to my personal performance. PR = personal record - the fastest time I have ever ridden a segment. Silver and bronze medals refer to second and third best times.

However, KOM means King of the Mountain -- the fastest time ever ridden by anybody for the segment.

Despite the above icon, Strava mocks my middle-aged ass. Instead of my glacial pace of 3:12 being the fastest, it is merely 307th.

Why Strava would award me a KOM when I am slow is cruel and unusual. I suspect this is a cynical ploy to get me to pony up cash for the "professional" app. Currently I use the free version.

"Use the Strava Pro app and don't get punked," the advertising should read; otherwise Strava will falsely build up your dreams of speed and brutally dash them to smithereens.

I need to remember my core values of stoke proclamation and not get sidetracked by technological sophistry.

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