This Is Being A Parent

Despite Scorning Personal Artistic Vision, Kid Does Fine

"Planet Wave Freestyle Mambo"

The nine-year-old said he hated art class during the school year. Still, he filled up notebook after notebook with stick figures doing battle, hunting zombies, fighting galactic war.

In a pile he wanted trashed was the above work. I like it.

Letters From The (Nine-year-old) Camp Underground

Sorry I could not get to you earlier (I was having fun) Made it. I will tell you more later. by! I am eating dinner!

Hi doods, There is a guy in my cabin called XXXXXX and he took a picture of a staff picking his nose and uploaded it too his mom's facebook. And yesterday I went intertubing at maximum speed. Send me a package and I do not miss you doods --M.T. Freezer

Yo doods. I got 2 cameras so when I get back let me retrieve my film.

Awesome Showcase From Rock N Roll Camp For Girls

Band members of the Cassette Tapes pose with their coach and manager.

This year's showcase for Rock `n' Roll Camp for Girls arrived for an excellent display of talent.

Here is a list of the bands with the songs they played:

·         Crossing  Ravens “Black Converse”

·         The Crazy Coyotes “We’re the Crazy Coyotes”

·         Star Sisters  “Shooting Star”

·         The Abandits Band “Rock Star”

·         String Bean Brownies “Roller Coaster”

·         Inexorable “Imagination”

·         Lightning Girls “Flying Free”

·         Queen Cobras “Flaming Pancakes”

·         Girl Revolution “We Are Girlz”

·         The Mainstreams “Mainstream Teens”

·         Rainbow Roadkill “The Diversity Song

·         The Empty Hearse “The Old King’s Crown is Falling”

·         The Cassette Tapes “Mixed Emotions"

Obviously my attention was on the guitarist for The Cassette Tapes. Here are the lyrics for their song 
"Mixed Emotions":

Mixed emotions, you covered me in

All of your black rain

Mixed emotions, because of you all I feel is pain

Mixed emotions, lost love why

Can’t you be mine

Mixed emotions why can’t we just rewind

Mixed emotions…

Even when it’s your fault it’s mine

I’ve lost everything thanks to you

But what does it matter

But what does it matter

Nevermind

Mixed emotions, you covered me in all of our black rain

Mixed emotions, because of you all I feel is pain

Mixed emotions, lost love why

Can’t you be mine

Mixed emotions why can’t we just rewind

Mixed emotions…

In some ways it was my fault for letting you get away

I don’t know where you are, but you won’t be hidden for long.

I’m not sorry for the things I’ve done

Cause you were the one whose been so wrong

I can’t comprehend

What the hell I feel

Cause you make all fake

Things feel so real

Mixed emotions, you covered me in all of your black rain

Mixed emotions, because of you all I feel is pain

Rock `n' Roll Camp For Girls Excellent Experience (And Its Not Over Yet)

Here the girl-kid is practicing a quick escape from a rowdy venue into the limo (actually a 2001 Nissan Maxima, the finest car ever made).

Once again Rock `n' Roll Camp For Girls is a huge hit with the kid. Check out the video of instrument instruction here.

Kid Goes To Camp Ready For Bigfoot And Other Contingencies

The "eyeball trick" is only one of the ploys this camper hopes to use on the unsuspecting.

Today we put the kid on the bus for sleep-away camp. He most likely won't be singing songs, but he will be telling campfire stories of a spooky nature and trying his best to become feral. Enjoy!

 

The Kid Picks Up My Gen X Sensitivities

"It used to be something, but then they sold out."

As a Generation X parent I have this artisanal affectation, which comes from having sought out the margins of mass culture in independent bookstores, record shops, politics, bicycles, facial hair, attire, and nutty food preferences.

I can't help but feel proud when the nine-year-old starts absorbing my innate malcontentedness.

When we walked by Voodoo Doughnuts on our way to Chen's Good Taste Restaurant he remarked that such doughnuts were over-produced and not the true way, like Sesame Doughnuts.

Sometimes not having to wait 20 minutes for a bit of fried dough and sugar makes all the difference, allowing the experience to be more authentic.

   

Minecraft Camp Brings The Mooshroom

Doing an art project not on a screen is still part of the day camp experience

The above Mooshroom Minecraft figure is half cow, half mushroom.

The kid reported that the character is a cow infected with mushrooms, or a mushroom infected with bovine characteristics -- either way delicious!

Our Home's Most Essential Food Item

No salsa, no problem -- tortilla chips are always appreciated.

Vaguely nutritious, always able to be turned into nachos, crunchy and satisfying, life without tortilla chips would be an apocalyptic nightmare.

Lucky that scenario has not played out.

I proclaim stoke for all the joy such refreshment provides.

 

Crucified Hot Dog Art Leads To Thoughtful Discussion

What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything."

My nine-year-old asked why the sticker was placed on the sign.

"It's art. It has no purpose, other than to look cool," I answered.

The kid nodded. At nine some concepts can be understood perfectly.

"Like people love hot dogs so much they think they're Jesus Christ."

"That might be true."

"Or maybe the hot dog rebelled against the evil overlords and was punished."

"Works for me."

"Who would do that to a cute hot dog?"

"I'm not sure, but if the artist could hear this conversation I believe he would be pleased."

Strava Brutally Mocks My Middle-aged Ass

Strava is a phone app that one turns on to measure speed and distance on a bicycle. Users define segments on a road so that when they or others ride the portion of road they can compare times from one day to the next -- the idea is that such segments will not have an overabundance of regulatory signs.

The above medals refer to my personal performance. PR = personal record - the fastest time I have ever ridden a segment. Silver and bronze medals refer to second and third best times.

However, KOM means King of the Mountain -- the fastest time ever ridden by anybody for the segment.

Despite the above icon, Strava mocks my middle-aged ass. Instead of my glacial pace of 3:12 being the fastest, it is merely 307th.

Why Strava would award me a KOM when I am slow is cruel and unusual. I suspect this is a cynical ploy to get me to pony up cash for the "professional" app. Currently I use the free version.

"Use the Strava Pro app and don't get punked," the advertising should read; otherwise Strava will falsely build up your dreams of speed and brutally dash them to smithereens.

I need to remember my core values of stoke proclamation and not get sidetracked by technological sophistry.

First Time At Skate Park Bodes Well For Future

The kid took some tumbles but caught the spirit.

Here is the video:

Child Labor And The Ethos Of Summer

Summer is supposed to be full of activity for the kids. With that in mind I put them to work picking blueberries. I then tweaked the picture to look nostalgic, so as to hide symptoms of heat exhaustion and insect bites.

Sometimes we get lucky.

When Things Go South Use The Crayons For (Serious) Art

In this work I address the relationship of depicted space to line and form, rather than in any implied meaning or message. I wanted to create a menu/placemat  that emphasized its frontal plane in a way that would echo the vestige of countryside  behind it. Indeed, the work suggests how mankind has fallen from the grace of nature to fester in post-industrial age violence. 

We went to a restaurant and the server who seated us somehow didn't hear me when I said we didn't need children's menus. He had brought two for the 12- and nine-year-old. (My guys gave up on coloring at age 3).

Not only did he assume our internet-saavy kids would want to color, but the lame-ass picture was really stoopid for a brew pub. A more appropriate image might be a member of the clergy being issued a DUI by a cheerful constable.

After we found our seats, three adult menus remained on the table and one kids menu and crayons. I got the kids menu and crayons.

I suppose I wouldn't have minded getting first crack at the big boy menu, but things turned out pretty well.

Squirrel Monkey Takes Selfie With iPhone

"With all this hair, got to be something to eat in there"

We returned from a family trip to Israel, feeling good about our relations. Although there was a serious situation going on, as there often is, we were still able to have a good time.

One of the many highlights was visiting my brother-in-law on a kibbutz in the Jordan Valley, a place with a subtropical climate. Residents had planted passion fruit, mango, citrus, pomegranate next to their homes, taking advantage of the hot climate. An attraction on the kibbutz, translated as "Jungle Fun", offered a variety of species on display. Sure the snake was eating a chicken, and there were meerkats and porcupines, but the squirrel monkeys were hands down our favorite.

We were told to empty our pockets before proceeding into the enclosure as the monkeys had free reign to interact with us.

We were not to pet the critters, but taunting them with cell phones was allowed. Actually, we all felt like serious zoologists, tackling the hypothesis, "What would a squirrel monkey do with an iPhone with the camera set to film the user?"

I understand this question has kept many academics and serious amateurs awake at night. Be troubled no longer!

Before we went to "Jungle Fun" my son desperately wanted animal interaction and so we spent an absurd amount of time looking at dairy cows.

The last animal video has to do with the residence of the man who manages "Jungle Fun." Somehow he is under the impression that having industrial screech parrots next to the place where humans sleep is a good idea. The brother-in-law said they only go off twice a day -- 5:30 am and at sunset. These birds were so obnoxious I had to film them. They sounded like a circular saw amplified by Motörhead's PA system. Enjoy, but turn your speakers to low.

Every Day Should Be A Holiday (In Ra'anana)

The motley crew of humus-eaters.

Back from a most excellent vacation -- lots of good memories. A big shout-out goes to all the peeps in the Land `O Zion. Thank you for your hospitality!

Stay tuned for more posts on Squirrel Monkeys and other fine species.