Fatherhood Secret Revealed

Healthy choice, prop, or communication device?

A surefire hit with kids is to pick up a banana and speak into it as if it were a telephone (the old-timey sort with a handset as opposed to a cell phone).

If the kids are really little you tell them, with mock surprise, that, no, this is in fact a telephone.

 My kids are older, 11 and 8, so a bit more is required. Usually I'll start with the presumption that the banana is ringing and I am being summoned for a call. The people who might be calling include, but are not limited to: Barak Obama, Justin Beiber, Bob Iger, Po (Kung-fu Panda), Lindsey Vonn, Yair Lapid, Jeff Merkely, Thor, Jon Stewart, Richard Nixon.

Lately an anonymous caller has been ringing the banana phone inquiring about the emotional state of my kids. I earnestly give them a full report, often closing my remarks, "yes, I know, but can you say hashtag grumpy-in-the-morning."

I wear them down until they smile.

I know that eventually this will not work. One day the kids will let me know the banana gag seems like early onset dementia, or explain how it embarrasses them or feels like weird harassment.

Maybe.

But until that day comes...Briiinngg, brriinngg, someone's calling.