Gai Kukken Afen Yam

Perhaps those wishing to defecate would find this ocean acceptable?

Stands to reason that we, as parents, aren't doing our jobs unless we can make our children laugh, or at least smile (smiles of embarrassment and discomfiture count, as well as condescension and pity).

More to the point, who among us can resist the fart or poop joke? Guilty, guilty, guilty.

How to tell someone to go to hell in a classy way was a subject of conversation that arose the other night. A favorite Yiddish curse, "Gai kukken afen yam" literarlly means "go crap in the sea." The classy part comes in when you start this bit in the following way:

We live in Oregon, a marvelous state with beautiful coastlines; May I suggest a trip to the sea (pantomime driving). Upon reaching Astoria take in the salubrious sea air (dramatic intake of breath); Once there stroll out onto the pier (strolling); Upon the end drop your pants and enjoy! (you get the idea).

Key concepts: self-deprecating is different than self-defecating

There may be those who will contest the classiness of this method, for them I have nothing but sympathy, for how terrible it would be to go through life with a shriveled and flaccid diminished sense of humor.

If a teacher calls and complains I'm sunk. Here's betting on the kids' good judgement.