Really Expensive Electronic Toothbrush

The app is supportive! 

The ap will adapt to your preferences without being snitty.

I paid $174 for a toothbrush. Yes, I can admit this in public, or at least on the internet, which may be better or worse, depending on perspective.

I bought this because I was convinced I had sunk into bad habits, ones developed by mindless reveries during the home oral hygiene experience. I would turn on the old electronic toothbrush, think my happy thoughts, and finish when it automictically turned off a few minutes later, drooling and steadfast in my belief I had done a good job. I controlled the handle when it was in my mouth like a regular analog toothbrush because nobody had taught me different.

I purchased a Philips Sonicare DiamondClean model in part because it has a few pressure and location sensors and a Bluetooth hookup for an ap on a phone. Now when I brush my teeth I bring my phone into the bathroom and launch the app.

The best feature is that the ap suggests which section of my mouth I should be brushing during the 3 minute session, giving me feedback at the end, reporting if I gave short shrift to any teeth. It tells me if I’m using too much pressure, keeps count of my brushing habits, and alters vibration intensity to my specification (I’ve chosen gum health, rather than whitening or alien abduction). The short little brush strokes I’ve been doing for decades bring a red warning light on the ap. As a result, I’m being trained to brush in the Philips manner.

I realize that hackers could steal this information and use it to their advantage, perhaps enticing me with illicit oral-care products, or subvert any future presidential bids based on my brushing habits (He has neglected his incisors! For shame!). As a life-long risk-taker, I accept the danger.

Stoke!