Monday, April 23, 2018

High Crimes And Misdemeanors: Pie Mutilation

The charge of high crimes and misdemeanors covers allegations of misconduct peculiar to dessert items, such as cakes, pies, doughnuts, candies – both wrapped and unwrapped.

Also included are:
  • Perjury of oath: “I only wanted a sliver”
  • Abuse of authority: “I bought the cake, I get to eat all of it”
  • Bribery: “Give me a cookie or I won’t love you”
  • Intimidation: “Give me a cookie or I won’t love you”
  • Misuse of assets: “The money I gave for the school project got spent on what?”  
  • Failure to supervise: “I only left the room for a minute”
  • Dereliction of duty: “I thought you were watching the kids?”
  • Unbecoming conduct: “I thought more would be bought so I ate all of it.”
  • Refusal to obey a lawful order: “Order schmorder.”

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