Thursday, June 6, 2019

Reflections on office work



I’ve worked in offices. I’ve been in that salutary mode of saying, “Hey big guy. Working hard, or hardly working?”

I’ve been that guy trying to build affinity by stating loudly I wished the weekend would come soon.

I’ve been that guy…

But I haven’t worked in an office with other people in a long time. What do people do nowadays? Who the hell knows. 

This lack of knowledge struck me as I walked by a shop selling the tchotchkes for this type of silly office culture. Here is a sample of what I’ve been missing:


Glasses
  • The Good Shit
  • I’m one glass away from bringing up a bunch of shit from three years ago
Enamel mug
  • Let’s just go camping and never come back
Ceramic mug
  • Let that shit go
  • I try to act nonchalant but inside I’m actually chalant AF
  • I am silently correcting your grammar
  • This meeting is bullshit
  • Teenage daughter survivor
  • Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows
  • Keep the immigrants. Deport the racists
  • If it requires pants or a bra it isn’t happening today
Plate
  • Here’s your snack dumbass
Pint glasses with “misheard lyrics”
  • I like big butts and a can of limes
  • Do you like bean enchiladas? Getting caught in the rain
  • Dirty deeds done with sheep
  • I’ve got two chickens to paralyze
  • It’s a nice day for a light sweater. It’s a nice day for a cardigan!!!
  • She’s got electric boobs a mole hair suit
Magnets
  • Sarcasm is free. Sprinkle that shit everywhere
  • I’m not emotionally equipped to deal with the sound of someone chewing loudly
Notebook
  • Ideas on how to be less condescending. (condescending means I talk down to people)
  • People I want to punch in the face
  • I like to use big words to make myself sound more photosynthesis
Bag
  • Let’s drink wine and talk shit about people






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