Traditional Curses

I was surfing around Reddit today and came upon a group of "traditional curses" which I found too excellent not to post here. If I was a better person I would individually attribute each curse to its author, but this is too much work. To all these quick wits, I salute you!

• May none of your USBs be safe to eject.
• Mayyourspacekeystopworkingwheneveryoutrytowriteafunnytraditionalcurse
• May your dominant hand shrink by 1/16 every time you flip someone the bird.
• May you always wake up reminded of your greatest failure.
• No matter who you are with, you will have to fight over simple things.
• May you never find the hair that is stuck on your tongue.
• May you always lose your shopping list, but only when your kids are with you.
• May no soul give to your GoFundMe.
• May you be forced to over-analyze every piece of music you listen to.
• May your turn signal never sync up with either the music you are listening to or the turn signals of any of the cars around you.
• May all your tortilla chips break into triangular pieces that stab the roof of your mouth.
• May your words be incorrectly autocorrected every time you attempt to clarify a typo in a previous text message.

Celebrate the rat!