Bottle Of Bourbon Obscured By Religious Artifacts For Old-timey Effect

General Burnside and his whiskers peek between Sabbath candlesticks.

As I've noted previously, our family doesn't rank high on the old-timey scale. I don't hunt, plow, swim in a wool union suit, macrame owls, or play racquetball.

But we, as a family, collectively yearn for a simpler time, a time when...well, a time when stuff wasn't a bunch of plastic crap and a guy could get botulism from eating a pickle.

We have a glass-fronted cabinet where some of our religious items are kept. Adding to this sanctimony is the somber visage of the original Mr. Keep-Portland-Weird, Ambrose Burnside, staring at us from a booze label inspired by his daguerreotype.

We keep the bottle behind the candlesticks and next to the Passover plate as a first aid measure should religious observance in our home cause a calamity requiring a good, stiff drink.

I realize that Slivovitz should be the bottle in the cabinet, for that at least takes into account our Eastern-European ancestry. We'll have to pass on that until some hipsters in town start distilling the stuff and selling it with a cool old-timey graphic.