How To Handle Massive Sugar Tsunami of Halloween

Perhaps I can persuade the kids to trade their candy for some delicious fruit? Part of aging has to do with losing one's perspective of self and humor.

We live in an excellent neighborhood for Halloween: several neighbors really go all-out with decorations, plenty of houses give full-size candy bars to trick-or-treaters, and there is no compelling reason to cross on foot any interstate highways.

So the kids will run from house to house, the adorable little ragamuffins dressed like a soldier-ninja-agent and a female Thor, each aggregating close to 25 pounds of candy.

When the kids were really little the haul wasn't so massive. We then could have a single piece of candy be dessert, after the appropriate dinner items were consumed, and the stash would be gone in a few months. Now if this system were deployed the child would have candy every night for time immemorial, unless of course the neighbors thought it odd that 35-year-old single adults continued trick-or-treating.

Last year, frustrated by our massive candy pile, I gave it away to a landscaper toiling in bad weather. Although LSS has strong opinions about food, she has stronger opinions about certain "inalienable" rights of childhood. I realize this year any relinquishing of candy will have to be carefully negotiated.

So what are my tactics? I have two starting points. 1) After some initial gorging, point out that there are those completely without any candy whatsoever and a donation to the food bank would be in order; 2) Surely there must be something you might desire in place of candy? Chinese food? A foam bat to strike your sibling? Pokemon cards?

Many celebrate the free handouts of Halloween, but as the above illustrates, everything has its price.